Torn and confused (broken4848)
I love my boyfriend and want to be with him for a lifetime but I can’t help thinking he’s unfaithful and it’s killing me inside! Things are not all that great between us right now. Another woman even told me recently that she is pregnant with his child! I want to believe she is just trying to pull us apart and that he is not lying to me but I just have doubt. I just want to be happy and I want it to be with him! I never imagined someone could hurt like this. I’m miserable :
( is he lying to me? Is the other woman really carrying his child? Does he even love me like he says he does? What is going to be the end result as far as he and I? I ask myself these questions SEVERAL times a day and I think I’m beginning to become depressed. Please help me out, tell me something.. anything :’(
Love ❦ Soulmate Expert (psychic_n_healer)
Hello there ,
Am got well connected to your whole situation and would be happy to help you.If you’re confused & need to make the right decision let me help you.
I will not tell you what you want to hear , but what you need to hear as it is given to me. Sometimes you may not like what you are hearing and get upset . However, don’t panic it is in your best interest and remedial solutions contact me ASAP.
The first thing you need to do is step back and take a deep breathe because I see panic inside is happening. You do need to talk to your boyfriend but the problem here is guys do not like to be confronted and because you have already said things are not going well then this may have a negative affect on things so careful does it. The question here I would be asking is how honest is that other woman I would ask around about her and see if people would be honest enough to tell you what they can about this woman. The next thing to do is take some time out for you put a bit of distance between you and your boyfriend just for a few days so that you can collect your thoughts and gather the information about this woman who seems at this point without evidence is just causing trouble for you but please do not quote me on that until you have proof that she is telling the truth just take it as her causing trouble possibly jealous of you as there are some out there like that. But you do need to talk to your boyfriend you could always use the approach I bumped into a friend of yours and she asked me to say hi and see how he reacts his reaction will tell you straight away if he even knows her. Any way I wish you all the best but try and stay calm, don’t get mad and remember innocent until proven guilty.
I’m not psychic, but maybe I can help. Ask yourself these questions:
1) Is your boyfriend capable of lying? You know him better than almost anyone, I imagine. Have you observed him lying before? If so, you know that he’s capable of it and willing to go there.
Always best to judge people based on their actions—not their words. Behavior is what defines a person’s character, and past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.
2) I feel for you, being in a relationship that makes you feel so depressed. :( Is it worth it? Are you truly happy? Do you feel empowered by your relationship, or does it only make you feel insecure?
When it comes right down to it, your boyfriend isn’t responsible for your feelings—you are. It is your choice to be in the relationship, and your choice to react to your present situation in whichever way you think is best. But, look at the reality of the situation: as of right now, it’s making you feel really upset all of the time.
Sometimes what we want and what is best for us are two different things, right? The difference between being a grown-up and being a kid is that adults accept reality and cope with negative feelings and situations, while kids stomp their feet and really can’t accept it when things don’t go their way. Kids don’t take responsibility for their choices and their life situations and prefer to blame external sources. Trust me, I know…I’m still figuring out how to be a grown-up myself. But in the end, I truly think that you will feel much better about yourself if you protect your dignity and self-worth rather than giving into that little kid in your head and her demands for a happy life with your boyfriend (especially since that happy life may not be a realistic possibility).
Change can be totally scary. And I have no idea what your life is like, like whether or not you are financially dependent upon this person, etc. I just hope you don’t forget that YOU HAVE OPTIONS. You ALWAYS have options. There are infinite means to an end, and it seems like your “end” is being happy and feeling good about yourself.
Think about it. Trust your intuition. You are totally capable of doing what’s best for you…you just have to make that choice.
I wish you the very best and hope that you find a fulfilling resolution to your situation.
(P.S. As hard as it may be to think about right now, please believe me: there are plenty of fish in that sea out there. There are good men who will not lie to you and will prove that to you with their ACTIONS—by being consistently dependable. I know this because I’ve dated plenty of jerks, and a couple of really outstanding guys as well (and it took me 2.5 years to get over one of said jerks, whom I thought I’d never be happy without. Now I feel truly indifferent towards him and would have to break his poor heart should he ever say he wants me back!). With time, should you choose to leave your boyfriend, you will get over it and the sky will truly be the limit. Promise!)
Torn and confused (broken4848)
angel34 & antivirgo thank you both :
) I agree with angel34 when it comes to innocent until proven guilty and yes I do need to step back and take that deep breath or i feel I’m going to lose it! This female who says she is pregnant by him has caused problems before and it was proven to be all lies (she denied even saying they had been together). BUT up until the 1st situation occured him and I were amazing together. He was my best friend, my baby, my “lifetime”. Then after the 1st incident occured, although it wasn’t the truth it still left me with doubt. Then I started making smart comments and slick accusations because inside I really felt he HAD to be doing wrong if he didn’t answer his phone when I called right? (although I knew he was at work and usually DIDNT answer during that time anyways) but in my mind now full of doubt it’s like I instantly see him doing wrong before I am able to think logically. I’m not saying he was for sure cheating but that’s just how my mind has processed things since this happened the 1st time (in may) and now for the 2nd time (within the past week). antivirgo, we are all capable of lying so yes he is too but I have never witnessed him lying or even telling those “little white lies” to anyone. Now, I wouldn’t put it past him simply because I refuse to be naive but I’m telling you, when I’m with him and he’s speaking to me it’s almost as if I can feel that I’m secure/safe with him and I have no worries. It’s the second we are not together and he had to travel for work that in my head I’m always thinking about who he’s with and what he’s doing with them. As I type this now I feel he is unfaithful. I think he is lying to me. But is that only because he is not with me right now because if he was I wouldn’t have a doubt in my mind that he was faithful. I don’t know if this makes any sense really. I mean, did I gain multiple personalities overnight or something because that’s how I feel! I sat here and read your response and it left me in tears because that is just the reality of it when it comes down to it. It’s almost as if you (antivirgo) and angel34 are my two personalities.. you both said the same thing I’ve been saying to myself back n forth n back again for over a week! I’m so confused! I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I’m sad more than happy. All because of this stress but a simple hug from him makes me better?? AAHHHHHH! I feel like a crazy woman!! Man I wish there were some magic door I could chose n see what the resolution is! Door #1 walk away now, it’ll be easier to get over him now than a year from now. Door #2- stop bein a whiney butt and stand by your man & put the faith I once had back into “us”. Or Door #3- there is no door number 3. :-( I am in a battle with myself and I don’t know how to win!! I’m just tired of being so sad all the time. Tired of going to bed in tears. It’s even in my dreams! I hate this!
Hello again, broken;
You aren’t crazy, and you don’t have multiple personalities. You’re just facing a difficult choice right now-
lots of uncertainty-and that can get the best of any of us. You’re only human! Give yourself a break, here…I’m sure that you, like all of us, are trying to make the best decision possible here given the information you have (including your feelings).
I think the most important thing here is regaining your sense of control. It sounds like you’re feeling really overwhelmed, so I hope I can help you remember some things that you already know:
1) No matter what happens with this situation, you’re going to be okay! What’s the worst thing that could happen? A break up? I know, and you know, that you could deal with that and move on given enough time. :)
2) You don’t have to make a decision immediately. You don’t have to make a decision tomorrow, or the next day, or a week from now, or a month from now…it’s all up to you! No matter what happens or what you decide, what you’re going through right now will teach you something worth knowing. It will turn out to be a meaningful life lesson.
3) In my opinion, the most important thing for you to do right now is believe that you will make the right decision for yourself when the time comes. From what you’ve written, it sounds like you have some trust issues…both with your boyfriend, and yourself!
Can you think back to a time when you made a really good decision for yourself, something that made you feel awesome and really improved your life? Have you ever taken a risk and gotten a great reward? Remember that, and remind yourself that you are totally capable. You are in the driver’s seat, here! OWN IT. :)
In my experience, life is pretty darn neutral. It’s the way we think about and approach our problems that makes something “good” or “bad”. Realize that your thoughts are making you sad right now, not your boyfriend—he may very well be cheating on you, but you don’t know that for sure. Do you think you can possibly look at this situation from a different perspective, one that might help you maintain more peace of mind?
Like I said before, change is scary. Uncertainty is scary. Lots of things in life can be very scary! But you’re a brave person, a strong person—we all are, we all have that capacity inside of us. It’s all up to you, girlfriend. :)
Do you agree that your first priority here should not be figuring out whether or not he’s cheating or deciding what to do, but feeling calm and empowered? It’s always hard to make wise decisions in a frenzied state of mind. Perhaps it might help to just accept the fact that you really don’t know what to do right now, but you sure are going to figure it out eventually? How does that idea feel to you?
Also, if you take an honest look at yourself and realize that you do have some trust issues, it might really help you to figure out where those are coming from and process those feelings. Certainly, that could help you in ANY relationship you have, now and in the future.
Bottom line: Believe in yourself and your ability to make good decisions. Believe that eventually, you will have the right info and tools to make the right choice. Keep that Big Picture in mind. Don’t fight your confusion—try to understand it. Maybe even embrace it, for this is a great opportunity for you to learn more about yourself and life in general, right?
You’re going to be okay. :) ::hugs::
I think you will find you have answered the question that other woman is lying just to cause trouble. The best thing to do now is take some time out on your own to gather your thoughts as this has shaken you. Then when you have gathered your thoughts I guess just ignore that woman and be happy that you have that boyfriend in your life that other woman is jealous that is all and the more secure you feel this will come across to both her and your boyfriend and it is a good thing in your boyfriends eyes if you are secure within yourself. I have a saying that I use that protects me from the outside world I would like to share with you because this world and some people in in are very cruel and it pays to have a good way to deal with it all.
If I worried what other people thought of me then I would either never leave the house or I would be dead in the ground by now.
So at this point you have 2 choices you can let this woman affect you and let what she has said get to you and turn your world upside down or you can just ignore it and get on with life and be secure in yourself.
I recently had something bad happen to me that honestly I could throttle the person for but I have chosen to just let the universe deal with that person for their actions until I have proof of who was responsible I can’t do much but I do know this karma has a habbit of knocking on the culprits door for doing the bad things that they have done to me so just trust that this woman will be dealt with accordingly by the universe.
Torn and confused (broken4848)
You 2 are awesome :
) I feel a little better this morning (just still have that kinda sick feeling that hangs around from the stress) but I can deal with that. You both make so much sense it’s just hard to see it all clearly for myself. i know sometimes we have to walk through the storm to see a rainbow but i guess I’m just scared. Your encouragement was MUCH needed and I appreciate it to the fullest! I’m glad I posted :)
I am glad that everyone could help and that you are ok and things will work out you have the control her, be positive and calm and everything will work out for you sometimes a little blind faith is required to get through.
I’m glad that you’re feeling better, broken! I tried to reply to this yesterday, but it wasn’t working for some reason.
Keep on walking till you see that rainbow. :) Here’s a song recommendation, if you’re game and you like country music:
Rodney Atkins – If You’re Going Through Hell (Don’t Stop Moving)
It’s a pretty old tune, but the lyrics are great and it’s catchy to boot!
Feel free to keep posting if you start to stress out again—I’m happy to offer more encouragement anytime, and I know I’m not the only one!