Rebecca gallacher (bec)
My partner and I have been trying for a baby for over a year now. I have had some troubles with my cycle recently which I’m just about to go for tests for. We both feel it’s right in our relationship to start a family but a year on we have had no luck.in the back of my mind I have thought it may not be the right time even though we feel it is. We are both in our late 20’s with no background of problems of fertility. I hope someone can help us. My partners name is dean and he’s 26 and I’m rebecca aged 29. Wishing someone could help a loving couple. X
jenny Fardell (garnetta)
Hi, sweetheart. If you are feeling your instincts are telling you to not have a child then your body could be responding to this. My personal experience is that I never had fertility problems until I started trying to have a baby in my late 20’s. The other thing is that there will always be doubts and uncertainties about when the right time will be. If there are medical problems then it could be a really slow process going through all the medical stuff. Then, if that doesn’t work and you decide to adopt, that could take a long time as well! I wish someone had said to me what I’m going to say to you now. Can you imagine yourself in 30years time without children…being happy with your partner…being happy every time some other woman conceived…having a full and happy life doing other things? A baby really isn’t the ultimate expression of a complete relationship. In fact focusing on this in a relationship as if it is, can really wreck a marriage. As can having intensive fertility treatment, especially if it doesn’t work. You lose every aspect of privacy and dignity and everything you share with your partner suddenly becomes an object of medical interest.And if you end up with nothing by the end of it, that loss of what you shared can’t be claimed back. You end up with nothing. No baby, no body to give back to your partner. Always put yourselves and your relationship first. If that’s not in place and happy every step of the way when trying for children, then a child won’t bring you back together or make your relationship stronger. Like when you get married (even after being partners for a good while), having children changes you as a person. And often brings out the worst in you. You find things out about each other you never saw before. Sorry if this sounds like doom and gloom…but I can’t stress how emotive having children is. And if you have fertility issues, you invest so much more energy and emotions beforehand that it’s doubly tiring and hard work when it happens for us than it is for people who have no difficulties. The other thing is that when you’ve tried so hard and eventually got there, there’s an immense pressure on you to be grateful and happy and twice as good at being a family when you go through just as many tired/frustrated/cross and angry parent days as any one else…. I don’t mean to put you off and spoil the enjoyment of trying and being excited about starting a family. You may already be aware of all this, but I just wanted you to know the truth for some reason. Good luck.