Ok, so my bf hates talking about anything controversial or problematic. Anything pertaining to Our relationship…or, the world as we know it …. I feel we dont talk about LIFE…I mentioned this to him…..His reply was when I complain, whine and bi####. I ruin everything….. Wow…..Really?? We aren’t broke up. But, respectfully stopped. He said, he was brought up around negativity growing up. Sad situation….. but getting him to open up that side of him is like unleashing demons. He was drinking when he told me about his childhood. He has a loving way but so hell bent on refusing to “talk”. I’m trying to be more postive than I already am …. so he will feel its safe to talk. Is this a good idea? I want progression in this. Not stumbling blocks. I want NORMALCY in my life. He is good to me in every area. Except THIS. What, do I do??
You already know the answer to your own question. It is never good to change who you are to try and please someone else. You also know that life presents difficulties mixed in with its joys and there is a therapeutic value gained from talking through things. Talking about one’s ups and downs is also how we connect with one another on an intimate basis.
Your boyfriend is clearly not being “positive all the time” either. Not when he is quick to correct you, not when he labels your behavior with derogatory statements. (How negative is that?)
In a nutshell, your boyfriend finds it easy to squelch conversation (cutting off intimacy)and his arbitrary set of rules allow HIM to to talk negatively but you better not or …
Funny how hearing your question mirrored back to you clears everything up. Doesn’t it? (This is WHY we talk about problematic things. It helps clear one’s thinking.)
Visions By Violet (violetmae)
It’s concerning that he is shutting down conversation when it’s anything outside of his comfort zone. Any topic he perceives as being “negative” is swiftly taken off the table and not able to be discussed, and this is not necessarily healthy. You need to be able to speak your truth without being shut down. Open dialogue is important. I would be happy to go into this further and help you out with this. Give me a call so we can chat. :)