Shani (shanigirl77)
My sis has history of sleeping with guys I like. This last guy cut to the core. I am wondering if I have to forgive her in order to let new love into my life. I don’t want her anywhere near me and the next guy but in order to start over 100% do I have to forgive her? Will she continue this pattern? Is there anything I can do to stop it?
Imargia (imargia)
Hi Katrina,
This is indeed a pattern that has deep routed origins for your sister surrounding some illusions/delusions she has that produce insecurity. If you can help her expose these for herself, in a positive way, this would be best for all. But for you, forgiveness and letting go of the past in order to look to your own future is important. Forgive, but consider a change that is focused firmly on what you need going forward.
Heavenly Sunshine (heavenlyarchangel12)
Think you have to understand your sisters choices are not your responsibility, or issues. Yes forgiveness is important, as well as setting boundaries. Fortunately if you have a relationship with a guy I would just explain to them that she has a pattern in the bast and you just feel this is best for the relationships to not have her around you when you are together. I am sure if he is a good guy he can understand. I would just explain the same to your sister. I would not worry about hurting her feelings. She has to realize she has a problem with this and learn her boundaries. The only way you can do this is being straightforward and allowing her to take full responsibility for her emotions, feelings, and behaviors. These are not your issues, but her to work on and resolve. Yours is setting limits and boundaries so you can decide to lead a healthier life and happy one regardless of what your sister chooses to do.
Carmen Casillas (tarottamara)
Hi Katrina,
In order to find new Love
you Have to let go of the Past
Shani (shanigirl77)
Does that mean forgive her & move forward with hope she wont try it again? I want to let go of the hurt but what if I fall in love. She’s forgiven & I trustdidnt her againI and Boom we’re back in the same pattern all over again. She’s very sexual & I’m sure men pick up in it. They are drawn to her. I want so bad to let this go but Im truly afraid to do so.
Heavenly Sunshine (heavenlyarchangel12)
I think you do have to forgive her and move forward. Yes men pick up on sexual all the time no matter what woman it is, of course I think you have to be wise in making a choice in a man that knows his boundaries with anyone woman. It is not any different than you being around another man. We choose to act on it or we don’t. I think you have to be positive and understand not every man will fall for temptation. Of course you have to set boundaries with your sister, and help her understand how it makes you feel, and that she is hurting you when she does this. You have to be very clear and direct with her.
Shani (shanigirl77)
I was very clear when we talked a few weeks ago but right now I’ve asked her to stay away. I was very very clear about how bad she is hurting me. She says that if I prefer she’ll stay in contact but never come around my home once I meet someone so as not to cause problems. That was her solution. It sorta hurt my pride & is basically saying to her “hey look you’re so much hotter than me that I.nd u to stay away from my house so I can keep a man.” We’re family a time will come when they will meet. I do need to pick better men but there are no guarantees. Right now I need to start feeling better about me. I don’t know what else to do. Maybe if I felt beautiful it wouldn’t be so bad.
Heavenly Sunshine (heavenlyarchangel12)
Think this is the thing you have to feel beautiful for you, and be confident. Finding your self worth, and feeling good about yourself. Your sister is your sister. Yes you did the right thing by taking time for yourself. Use it to grow and learn about you. The best relationship you can have is with yourself. Of course this takes time, but letting go of the past, and starting a new you is a very good choice and direction for your life. Loving you is very important. When you let go of all the trauma of the past, and heal than the right man will walk into your life because he is doing the same thing. It is a journey about discovering yourself. Finding out who you are, and what you want out of life. If you need help I can point you in the right direction. :)