looby lou (loobylou)
I recently sent a letter to an ex I split with about 20 years ago, not too well. Had no contact since them. But this year, I’ve had a real yearning to get in touch with him and apologise for the way we split and make sure he’s OK. Don’t know why now and not before. Will this person reply to me? They’ve kind of sent a short note saying they are busy at the present and will reply, but not sure? And why this yearning now – and not before?
jenny Fardell (garnetta)
Because, loobylou, as you get older the more nostalgic you get. Because you become more mature and can see things which happened in the past more clearly. And because sometimes you find answers, or realise why something happened. Or because as you grow older, the more remembering you do of the nice things in your past because a lot of the crap that happened settles down and becomes a part of you rather than something that’s screwing you up. That’s why some old people especially seem to have rose tinted spectacles on when they talk nostalgically. They have managed to balance out the good and bad things which have happened to them. Through different stages in our lives we revisit certain emotions and events. And it hits you most unexpectedly. The best example I can think of is having children, it is such an emotive experience. You are apologising for the way you split, but was i all your fault? It takes two. Maybe it gives you a sense of putting things right because you are genuinely sorry, I know, and still care about this person. It’s good to do this for your own peace of mind that you’re putting things straight and in a way making peace with yourself as much as this person. I’m sure they will reply and are genuinely busy, or are just getting used to hearing from you again. It will be a bit of a shock and they will be wondering about your motive, maybe. If you don’t hear back within a couple of weeks I suggest you send another email just saying you hope they received the last one and you hope to hear from them and be honest, you want peace of mind and would appreciate a response. I hope this helps, and I wish you all the best.