Kate Laura (katelaura)
Hi i would like to no if the boyfriend i’m with now, is he the one for me and is he the one i’m going to settle down with and have kids with. and how long more do i have to wait to have my first child.
jenny Fardell (garnetta)
Kate, sorry to be personal, but if you are personally ready to have a baby and your are currently taking oral contraceptives I doubt, as in my situation, anyone has told you something. That oral contraceptives will hide any infertility problems you are likely to have. They trick your body into thinking it’s functioning as normal. So my first bit of advice is to discuss this with your boyfriend. You don’t want to scare him off. So, pick a moment when you are both in neutral territory – ie not in bed/each others house/after a good fun day or night out/not when he’s watching tv or focused on the car. More like if you’re walking the dog, or are doing some gardening together. I suggest you are natural and tell him you are worried about something and would like his advice on a really delicate issue. But tell him that you are scared because he might feel you are pressurising him and would read more into your worry than you want him to. Give him the opportunity to say he doesn’t want to discuss it. More likely his curiosity will be aroused and he’ll feel flattered you want his advice on something so personal. Tell him you’ve heard that oral contraception can cover up any fertility problems there might be. (If you’re not taking oral C. just tell him you are worried about fertility problems) Tell him that if you are infertile it could be years before you find out, get treatment, and even after all that might not be able to conceive. (Personally, I wanted to start a family at 26yrs. It took me 12 more years before eventually adopting my first child. All because I had cysts on my ovaries and the pill had covered that up!) Be clear you don’t want him to feel you’re pushing him to have babies and you love and respect him, but fertility issues bother you. Give him time to respond. He’ll either brush it off and tell you to see a doctor. In which case you can say you feel a bit embarrassed about that and move on to what I advise (below) Or he’ll ask you what you want to do about it. Or he’ll brush it off and say you don’t need to worry about it just now. In which case you can laugh it off and say you don’t want to be a granny-mum, hope he didn’t mind you mentioning it, and change the subject (This will give you a clear idea where your boyfriend stands in his commitment hopefully without destroying what you have) My advice. Ask him if he wouldn’t mind using other contraceptive methods for a while to see if your body regulates itself into a natural normal pattern. Tell him that your body would take at least 6 months to rebalance. If things are functioning normally after 6 months take a few ovulation tests over the next three or four months to see if you are ovulating normally. And if things aren’t functioning normally after 6 months of coming off the pill, visit your GP. Hope this helps. Don’t worry. If you’re boyfriend is committed, he’ll work with you and not mind you bringing up this subject. If he gets tetchy and uncomfortable, it’s clear he’s not moved forward as much as you have in this relationship. If you’re happy to go along with that, then just laugh it off/tell him you’re glad to get it off your chest it was worrying you, and that’s all there is to it. If you aren’t happy with his reaction, then just say you’re disappointed because although it’s not an issue now, it will be whether he sticks around or not. More importantly don’t pressurise, demand, or bully him emotionally. Make him feel as if he’s the one deciding to commit to the issue. Don’t come across as all serious and heavy. Make light of it, joke about it and respect, prepare for and know how to handle him if he gets freaked out by it. All the best.